This week has been full of ups and downs. I am trying to find the positive side but i ts hard.
I know God has my plan. A better plan than I can even think of for myself. But its hard to find the point where you fully let go and just become okay with what you’re dealing with. I would have never thought trying to start a family would be this hard. Never. But like I said before, I am really trying to find the positive in everything.
Going through infertility is eye opening. On so many levels. For me its been an eye opener on what I want from this beautiful life. And definitely what I don’t want. I want to be fully fulfilled by my Savior. I want to live my life fully for Christ. I want to pray more. I want to take time throughout my day and be in the presence of the Lord. I don’t want to have my life consumed in “What Ifs”. I don’t want to hold off on making plans in my future because MAYBE ill be pregnant by then. I don’t want to have meaningless friendships. I don’t want people in my life that I can’t fully rely on. I don’t want to live my life on pause.
I have recently started following some new women on Instagram which in turn has invited a few women to follow me. I can’t help but be inspired by these women. It makes me wide eyed thinking of my future, Can I write a book? Can I make this blogging thing my “thing”? My career? Can I be invited to give my story on a podcast?? My only answer that keeps running through my head, WHY NOT!!! Why can’t I have dreams and aspirations like this?? I am worthy of these dreams and hopes!
Between the pills, ultrasounds, and the prayers that your period doesn’t come, that is what I plan on focusing on. On the endless possibilities that is out there for me.